In life, we have come across times where everything falls into the palms of our hands but we have also come across times where we are given ultimatums. The most common one among women in the UAE is marriage or a career? I say this because this is the most commonly asked question amongst families and friends. “Did you graduate yet? What do you think of doing once you’re finished with university? Are you thinking of working or are you just going to stay at home?” and by stay at home they mean settle down. While some women have the option of choosing both, others don’t. According to the 2005 Census and the Ministry of Higher Education and Scientific Research, women account for about 50 percent of the population and over 70 percent of graduates in the UAE and today they are taking over vital positions in both the private and public sector and we can see this leading to more women having a sense of independence without needing the support of their families or a husband, but does that necessarily mean that they would have to remain standing alone?

Back in the day, and by that I mean 20 years or so ago, women got married at the age of 18 if not earlier. My grandmother would constantly tell me how times are changing now and how back then, working was not even an option. Most women didn’t even have a choice when it came to marriage; it was something they had to do. If they didn’t, they were somewhat sidelined from society and singled out. They would label them as “not marriage material” or “having too strong of a personality to be handled”. Time has evolved since then and now women have a choice when it comes to who they want to marry and making a career of what they love. It has become common and acceptable.

Growing up, I’ve made several friends, who like me are local woman. Some have gotten married straight out of high school and carried on with their education later, taking the prospect of having a career out of the picture. Others carried on to acquiring a bachelor degree and these women can be divided into two categories. One category place having a career as a priority in their lives, the others place marriage as a higher priority. The reason I categorize them as such is because these are the women I’ve gotten to know.

For example, a friend of mine who has recently graduated from one of the leading universities in the UAE and whose story is similar to several other women I know, has a bachelor degree but has no desire in pursuing a career. I wondered why, being a well-accomplished woman who spoke several languages, she wouldn’t want to go on to the next step. She said “The next step for me is marriage, having a career might ruin my prospects of marriage in a sense and if I had to choose between being a successful working woman or having a family, I would choose the latter.” Another woman I’ve spoken to about the same matter said, “The men in my family as well as others I’m sure, would rather have a stay at home wife and someone to come home to who isn’t tired or overloaded. If I want to get married, I can’t have a career.” Some would say “Women of a certain standard don’t have that choice because we don’t really need a career, we have our degrees as a sense of security but we don’t have to work because we don’t need to. We do need to get married though, that’s how it has always been.”

On the other hand, I see women every day that have flourishing careers in different sectors who would say, “If I was put into the position of making a choice, I wouldn’t make one. Who says we can’t have both?” or “If someone wants to commit to you, they accept you, for all that you are without setting any limitations. They would be proud to see you make it and accomplish something!”

In reality, it’s not just one or the other. We see women everyday that are happily married and are also successful, whether it’s by creating their own business or by doing what they love. At times it may seem ‘black and white’ when we know of so many women that want to have a career but fear that by having one, they’d end up alone, but on the greener side, we have the working women of today. Like every other aspect of life, it varies from person to person, depending on their circumstances or what they really want to achieve in the end.

We’ve all known what it feels like to be stuck at a crossroad, not knowing which path leads to salvation. With every decision we make in life, we are handed a gifted box filled with either consequences or blessings. Sometimes we can weigh it out and assume what our box has in store for us, but sometimes it’s just like a scratch and win card and you have no idea if you hit jackpot or wasted your money on your belief in it. I’ve come to realize that with every crossroad, there’s a battle to overcome, whether it’s big or small, there is always a battle.

The crossroads we meet in life can be never ending, whether it’s a lifestyle decision, or an emotion, they even come in the form of a person and we tend to use our hearts more than our rational in most aspects. We’re only human at the end of the day. But why is that a bad thing!

You always hear people say that if you are emotional, it makes you weak and as long as your emotional then the choices you make in life are automatically labeled as “bad choices” simply because your emotions were involved, your vision has been clouded and your thoughts unclear. I disagree. I believe that people who are in touch with their emotions are the strongest of all, because they have truly grasped what life is and what it feels like. They know what it means to be happy or sad, to love or to hurt, they sense motivation and disappointment, they know it all because they allow themselves to truly feel and most importantly, they know what these emotions are composed of and how they can be broken down into either positives or negatives, the sugar and spice of life.

I also believe that being able to tune into your emotions when making these decisions is a gift, we can’t just use our minds and logic because logic doesn’t know how to be human, logic doesn’t feel.

People like to complicate things when in reality everything in life can be simplified down to a question or a saying and when it comes to this, I say: Some things are worth fighting for, you just have to chose your battles. If there’s something in life that you really want then fight for it. You want to earn a degree? Put the effort into studying. Fight. You want to overcome an illness? Work towards a better, healthier life. Don’t let it get the best of you. Fight. You want a promotion? Show them why you deserve one. Fight. You want that ‘love that lasts forever’? Nurture it, protect it, and value it. Overcome obstacles and fight for that person everyday. Whatever it is. Fight.

It’s about giving it your all day after day and not giving up. It’s about reminding yourself of the reasons why you want it in the first place, to quite down the voice in your head that says you cant do it or it’s not worth it or that you’ll come across “better”. Once you put your heart in it, don’t let go because the world is not at your command, and some battles you only face once with effects that can last a lifetime. It’s not going to be easy but it’s definitely going to be worth it.

You’ll never know if you never try….

Every person’s tied to a bundle of mistakes they’ve committed at some point in their life. The thing is, it’s always one of the two. We either know it’s a mistake but do it anyway, or we don’t and later on label it as one. We can’t undo them or erase them, all we can do is try to repair damage caused and remove the negativity that weighs us down by doing good that puts that mistake to bed. Talking to a friend today inspired me. It was something she said that got me thinking; “He was a mistake for everything he did to me, and I was a mistake for everything that I was”. It was a statement so deep that it inspired a flow of thoughts.

Some people preach that no matter what you do in life or whom you meet, you should live with no regrets. For with every experience or encounter you get something, whether it’s a lesson learnt or valuable knowledge gained. Personally I find it hard to have no regrets because we always end up wondering “What if”; the thought that everyone has come across at one point or another. “What if I did ‘that’ then maybe ‘this’ wouldn’t have happened” or “If I could go back in time I wouldn’t have done ‘that’ and maybe things would be different right now”. It’s in our make up as human beings to contemplate and wonder.

Can we really call that the fundamental blocks of a person, the bits and pieces that make us who we are mistakes? In my opinion we can’t. What I see as true doesn’t necessarily have to be true for others and vice versa. A part of my personality can be seen to be completely wrong and out of place to one person, but on the other hand someone else might see it as something of quality. Its not who we are but more what we do. Even though who we are plays a vital role in our actions, we are always given a choice in those short moments in between thought and action.

As Newton’s saying goes, “to every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction”, we find that some people will always find it in their hearts to react with good and kindness no matter what is thrown their way, some would call that being naïve, I call it being pure. Being a bigger person. Some find that the only way to counter a negative or bad action is to react in the same way. I call that being either small minded or without self-control.

We all know when we make mistakes, either that little voice in our head keeps pounding or someone we know informs us with reason but at the end of the day we can only change what’s within ourselves and not what’s in everyone else.

To all the people out there who are stuck in their past or current mistakes, this is to let you know that making a mistake only means you’re human. If it’s someone else’s mistake that’s got you tied down, let go; forgive and forget. If God can be remarkably forgiving then why can’t we take a spec of that attribute and make it a part of what we are. If it’s you that’s done something you are ashamed of, or aren’t happy with, then change what it is that was the cause, all it takes is belief, faith and will power. Like the saying says “you are not a tree.” Mistakes come along with the package of life, their intensity on the other hand, depends on you.